Dang it’s been a long time since I’ve written. I have been quite aware of this; on Saturday and Sunday mornings when I am accustomed to writing, having an urge to sit down and do it. Yet, it just seemed like I didn’t have much to write about. I was in a pretty good routine of doing normal life things. I wake up and meditate most mornings, go to work, and listen to audio books by people like Caroline Myss, Richard Rohr, Brene Brown, and Carl Jung while I’m driving around. I spend a little time with friends but more often than not I’m out on the mountain scoring cheap re-usable materials on Craig’s List to make my patios, and building a fence so my dog doesn’t run away. In the evenings I read, or watch documentaries on Netflix. Pretty normal, right? Not much to write home about.
But then, in the midst of all this normalness, something started to happen. Some things started to shift. Spaces began opening up that were so natural for me to flow into. It’s sort of like when you put and upright glass into a tub of water. The space of the glass starts to push aside the water, creating a bit of a void. Eventually, as the glass is lowered further and further into the tub, a vacuum is created and the water can’t help but start spilling in over the sides of the glass. It can’t help but flow into the space that has been created.
This is how life started to feel for me. An invisible space started to open up in the vortex of my existence, and my energy couldn’t help but start spilling in, taking me and my normal life along with it. I’ve written before about my mantra, of sorts, “let go of the banks.” Sometimes (most of the time) I am in this raging river of life trying so hard to cling onto the river banks as if my very life depended on it. I use all of my energy to hold on, trying almost to control the river and how I will live in it. In the mean time, tree branches and other loose debris are smacking up against me, massive currents tearing me apart, and occasionally a trout or two will take advantage of my static state and start nibbling away at my worn flesh. But, BUT, when I trust and let go of the banks something miraculous happens. I am thrust to the middle of the river and I begin to float downstream, carried away by the currents. I no longer have shit knocking me upside the head, and I don’t even notice the fierce speed and strength of the waters, because I am carried effortlessly along with them, a very piece of the river and everything in it, now part of the very thing that was before so dangerous and scary. For me this is a great analogy for how I would like to live this life, how I wish to allow my ego to loosen it’s grip on trying to control everything in life, thinking it knows the “right” way, and to simply trust and allow my heart, my soul, to take me where it may.
So, as I started to flow into this emerging space, some amazing things began to happen. Things started to “come to me” that I have been wanting, thinking about, preparing for – but that I didn’t really think I had the means to get at this time. For example, I’ve been thinking about and planning – knowing that I will definitely do this at some point – turning my bedroom into a space where I can start a private therapy practice. That little casita is a perfect place for so many reasons. However, this also begs the question, where would I sleep? My fantasy has been to purchase a geodesic dome. They have kits for livable domes that have a huge (like, a third of the entire dome) window, and I dream of laying in my bed watching the stars and storms. However, domes are really freaking expensive and I just didn’t see it happening. But true to my nature, I fantasized on. Next thing I know one day I’m going through my daily Tiny Homes e-mail and there is a 20 foot dome for sale… at about half the usual price! The journey of getting this dome has been a fun one, and it took a while, but that’s for later. The UPS guy delivered my dome a couple of weeks ago. Who wouldda thunk?!?
Another example, along similar lines of financial fears, has to do with wanting to go to Chicago. It had been two years since I had been back, and it was looking like I was going to have to wait another winter as I just wasn’t able to take time off of work and absorb the expense. This was incredibly sad for me. I am quite settled here in New Mexico, but that doesn’t keep me from missing my friends terribly. Well, long story short, an unexpected opportunity opened up, everything fell right into place, and I was able to spend a week in my old home. Again, completely unexpected and unpredictable! But fantastic.
There are other, smaller but equally cool and spontaneous, examples. And on top of all that, I began to notice that I was starting to hear voices, and drums, and music again. A very welcomed but scarce friend. I’ve also started to see my intuition sharpening in some very real ways. It is not uncommon now for me to randomly have a friend pop into my mind, and minutes (sometime seconds) later there they are – walking across the street, sending me an e-mail after months of no contact. One day as I was headed to work, I was flying down the mountain in my car, as is typical for all of us who commute early in the morning to the city. But I was running late and was alone on the road. A pretty unusual thought came to me, “I better slow down or I might get a ticket.” There were never cops giving out tickets on this mountain road! But I trusted my gut, slowed to the speed limit, and I swear sitting at the corner of the bottom of that very hill was a cop, radar gun pointed right at me.
I believe this super natural vortex that has opened up to me and beckoned my soul to enter was created by the very mundane day to day things I thought too common to write about. Occasionally the mystical will burst out though the fabric of the matrix and slam us with a wild ride. I think Spirit does this to get our attention, because we are likely not paying attention at all. At least I think that is what happened/s to me. But the truly mystical life, the soul journey, is brought forth by the small, seemingly mundane, choices we make every day. Like, should I get up and meditate, or hit snooze and sleep in? Should I play video games on my phone, or should I watch this really amazing documentary my friend told me about? Should I spend my weekends in the city, shopping and hanging out with friends, eating and drinking the evenings away just to get home so late that all I can do is crawl into bed? Or should I carve some time out for myself, to read, to eat simple healthy meals, to wander through the woods, to just be with the land? Should I spend my extra income on stuff, or should I use it to enroll in classes and workshops on mindfulness, Jungian symbology, intuition, the tarot? Should I listen to the radio while I drive to and from work, or should I listen to audio books that feed my soul and stimulate my soul journey? Or even better yet, maybe I could just sit in silence and just be with the beauty and life that is right outside my windshield? Such small choices that lead to monumental outcomes.